


These violent delights have violent ends

by tita_undomiel



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awesome Molly Hooper, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Drugs, Episode: s04e02 The Lying Detective, Explicit Language, F/M, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sherlock Being Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2018-09-30 00:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10149365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tita_undomiel/pseuds/tita_undomiel
Summary: “Thank you for coming to see me on such short notice”During the ambulance ride, Sherlock recalls when he asked Molly for help.





	1. I

 

 

_"These violent delights have violent ends."_

\\\ William Shakespeare

 

"You do know I have to do this." he said, eyes flickering, voice trembling and hands slightly shaking. Nerve ends on high alert.

 

"So you have said..." she continued her examination of his pupils to check for signs of drug use that she already knew she would find, "Two weeks ago."

 

\---

 

_“Thank you for coming to see me on such short notice”_

 

  _His voice trembled. She noticed the drug paraphernalia lying scattered on his kitchen table._

 

_“I was watching Rosie, Sherlock. And you call me for what!?” her voice cut like a knife through his heart._

 

_He hated to disappoint her._

 

\---

 

The ambulance came to a sudden stop (probably a red light) throwing her a little off her feet. As in reflex, he put his hand on her waist, under the lab coat to steady her as she stood between his legs.

 

Suddenly the air became heavier and she looked him straight in the eyes, their faces only inches apart making them breathe the same air.

 

He sat there on the gurney holding her gaze. Felt her tremble a bit but held himself back from giving her a cutting remark about the way her body (still) responded to his touch.

 

It would be childish and he was one remark away from being slapped.

 

\---

 

_“I need you to help me help John.”_

 

_“And it involves you getting high out of your mind.”_

 

_She saw him._

 

_“Yes”_

 

_He didn’t need to lie._

 

\---

 

If he was honest with himself his body was trembling too.

 

It all had started after he came back from his exile. His body began responding to her presence in ways he couldn't even dare to explore. And now she stood so close to him inside this small ambulance and his drug use only helped to spike his sexual arousal at her proximity.

 

"You never said it would involve this much usage, Sherlock. Just that you had to make John believe it. This is too much stress on your body" her voice faltered, "I would've never agreed to this..."

 

"Yes you would." he interrupted her with hooded eyes that made her knees falter.

 

\---

 

_“What do you need?”_

 

_God, so many answers he could give to that question he lost count._

 

_He had just shot up a mixture of heroin and cocaine so having her small body squirming under his begging for him to fuck her was the first thought that run through his drug idled mind._

 

_“You”_

 

_Déjà vu._

 

_“And an ambulance”_

 

\---

 

She inhaled deeply trying to regain some composure and pulling away but he stopped her making use of the hand he left on her waist leaning his head so their foreheads were touching. "You always do..." 

 

"Stop it." she ordered, her lips almost brushing his.

 

"What?"

 

"Using me to further your stupid plans."

 

"Molly" he warned her not to continue as he used to do when she tried to do small talk in the lab.

 

Not her area at all.

 

HIs blood started buzzing in his ears as he stood this close to her, his hands applying a little more pressure on her as if to stop his instincts from exploring her further.

 

 "I want to shag you so bad..." he confessed breathless.

 

\---

 

_How they ended up like this he couldn't tell._

_His vision was blurred and the drugs created time lapses on his memory._

_He had sat her on his kitchen table, scrambled to get any dangerous items out of the way._

_"I need you, Molly"_

_He made her come with his fingers, as clumsy as they were._

_It took him 2 minutes to make her pulse around him and cry his name._

_A new record for him._

 

\---

 

Her heart leapt at this making it hard for her to think straight.

 

"Don’t do this, Sherlock. Don't play with me”

 

"I'm not playing"

 

"That's the drugs talking"

 

She tried to reason with him as his lips hovered over hers, tormenting.

 

\---

 

_"I'll be there."_

_Her voice was distant as she arranged her clothes to leave._

_To leave him._

_For two weeks._

_In hell._

 

\---

 

His senses were heightened and he could smell her more vividly than ever before.

 

She was aroused. He knew.

 

Molly.

 

So pure.

 

So loyal.

 

So... Molly.

 

_"I'll be there"._

 

She always was.

 

His Molly...

 

That train of thought made him snap out of his " _predatory state_ ", as he would later catalogue in his mind.

 

He wanted her. But he had to wait.

 

The next time he had her he would be sober.

 

"I need it to be believable" he continued as if the exchange between them never happened. "John is a doctor, remember? He has seen me high before... hence the real drugs."

 

She looked down trying to hide her reddened cheeks as well as her disappointment.

 

"Don't talk to me as if I'm stupid, Sherlock. You are in the process of destroying yourself and that wasn't planned."

 

He inhaled deeply as she moved away to prepare for the next exam and putting some much needed distance between them. He watched as she held the syringe and he presented her his arm voluntarily so she could draw his blood.

 

"I don't want to, you know?"

 

She pulled the needle abruptly to make him feel the pain. He cringed a little and she saw it as a small victory.

 

"What?" she asked, tired. She was losing her patience with him and just wanted to get this over with. Get some needed space between them so she could collect her thoughts.

 

"I don't want to die..."

 

She held his gaze and felt her eyes water with so many unshed tears of the past month.

 

"Then why does it feel like we are walking to your funeral?"

 

"Molly..." he warned her again but couldn't hide the fear in his own voice.

 

She held his gaze with as much confidence as she could muster in that moment, cradling his face between her palms.

 

He could not help but lean onto her touch. Feel her envelop him. Carry him through this.

 

"You'll get through this." Her voice trembled a little despite her efforts.

 

He managed a small smile.

 

An honest one that surprised her.

 

" _We'll_ get through this" he corrected her.

 

They always did.

 

\----

 


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue with this one!  
> Let me know what you think :)

\---

She sat opposite him and he couldn't help but fidget in his own place. He felt like he could crawl out of skin as the nausea was beginning to set.

He should have eaten a lot less cake than he did, but he just wanted to please them... To please her.

He saw how her eyes landed on him every time he hesitated on the cake. She was worried. He got it. And he just wanted to make her feel better. To make her not worry about his sorry ass.

He wasn't her problem. He couldn't be but he knew he was a burden to her existence.

He hated himself for it.

Rosie was a bundle of joy between the three of them.

Anyone that passed them by could see that they had been through a storm.

They were still going through it to be honest.

Rosie got impatient on John's lap and Molly gently picked her up and kissed her temple. Almost immediately she calmed down and John smiled.

"You're a miracle worker, Molls" John stated tiredly.

Sherlock felt enthralled by the exchange between Molly and their goddaughter. 

His jumping and addict heart felt at ease for a moment.

\---

Feeling Sherlock staring at her and Rosie, Molly looked in his direction and his gaze hid from hers shyly. Like a scared little boy.

This was a tiring game they were playing.

She was tired and pretty ready to give up.

He almost destroyed himself with the stupid plan and in the middle of it ended up giving her the orgasm of her life.

She felt ashamed and uncomfortable around him after all that.

It was like five steps forward and ten steps back with him.

Tiring.

\--- 

Finally, they left the small cake house.

John had left with Rosie a couple of minutes ago and they were walking towards Baker Street.

Molly was on call to watch him tonight.

He knew she was dreading it.

Going back to his house and be alone with him after what had transpired between them.

He felt dirty, mortified for what he had done to her. 

He wished he could take it back.

Take everything back. 

But he couldn't.

"I don't want to go back yet" he broke the silence surprising her.

But he could try to make things better.

"Let's go for a longer walk, shall we? I really could use some air."

She could not help but smile.

\---


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this story keeps on giving.  
> Found myself writing a new chapter.  
> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! <3

\---

They had been walking for more than an hour. 

Night had fallen, and they found themselves crossing the Millennium Bridge.

The walking had done Molly good. She felt less nervous and more at ease around him.

She knew he was beginning to feel tired. His steps were becoming sparser and his shoulders were sagging.

She was realising he was doing this more for her than for him.

"I think we should sit..." she told him, putting her arm around his to hold a little of his weight.

"I'm ok..."

"Sherlock..." she warned him.

I know you.

He looked down at her unable to hide his tiredness.

"OK... Dr Hooper" he smirked making fun of her.

She felt her heart flutter involuntarily.

"Let's sit down for a bit." he finally said, getting hold of her hand, intertwining their fingers.

\---

Minutes passed, and he did not let go of her hand.

They had sat down on a bench looking out onto the Thames.

Somehow, he could not help but remember another time he had been there. After walking around London as well. But high as a kite.

With another woman.

It all suddenly felt like a lifetime ago.

He looked at their hands holding each other for support.

She had no idea how much comfort she was providing him right now.

Suddenly he felt her lean against his side, laying her head on his shoulder. He saw her eyes close.

"We should go back." he broke the silence.

"No..." she whispered tiredly.

"Molly... You're tired." he tried to reason with her.

She straightened her body, looking out onto the river.

Held her breath for a minute as if remembering something.

In that moment he knew exactly what she was thinking about.

"You are afraid." he stated.

She closed her eyes trying to fight back all the emotions she was feeling. Being this close to him…

"I don't..."

Her voice broke.

"But you don't want to be alone. With me. On the place where it happened."

She nodded. A single tear slid down her face.

"I am sorry, Molly. For being such a fucking mess and..." his voice was full of emotion as he let go of her hand, running both his hands through his head trying to clear his thoughts.

He got up to put some distance between them.

"You are the one person I don't want to hurt and look what I have done to you!" his voice raised as if he was having a fight with himself.

"No..." she tried to interrupt his train of thought, but he wouldn't let her.

"I... I used you. I degraded you... I... I violated you and your trust."

"Sherlock... Don't do this. You weren't yourself." 

He could hear the pity in her voice.

"Stop!" he shouted pointing a finger to her face. "Stop apologising for my actions, Molly. I am a bloody junkie. Not a child!"

He took a deep shaky breath looking directly at her eyes. His were a storm to be reckoned with.

"I wanted to do it, Molly." he explained, feeling the shame creep into his heart. "I wanted to fuck you but I was so fucking high I couldn't even... perform." he paused again.

He could see the blush creeping onto her cheeks. Her breathing became rapid. She was disgusted by him.

"I've wanted to do it for a long time, but I always controlled my urges. The combinations of drugs that night was the perfect mix to make feel looser and respond to my deepest desires, Molly." 

He let silence settle for a second as if waiting for her to bail on him after everything he had said.

"I wanted to fuck you that day and I ended up using you... And it wasn't how I wanted it to happen and now you are scared of being alone with me... You're scared of me. And I can't forgive myself for it."

He stood in silence in front of her waiting fo her to say anything. Anything at all.

She looked up at him. Her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"I am not scared of you, Sherlock." she told him calmly. "I am scared that I was not."

\---

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!  
> It is my first Sherlolly fic so I really hope you liked it!  
> It is possible that you find some mistakes since english is not my first language and this has not been beta.  
> :)


End file.
